Student: Swarthmore is like someone vomited a bunch of quaker oats on a little hill top.

- Shane Lounge

Student: (running drills) I think I'm the limiting agent in this reaction.

- Tarble Pavilion

Student: And he was all, "Showering everyday is merely a Western convention," and I was just, like, "Dude, showering AT ALL is just a Western convention, but you stink!"

- Sharples

Student: Prostitution: Fighting natural selection since the beginning of time.

- Parrish Hall

Student: If I have sex tonight, I'm going to have whiskey dick.

-Outside of Olde Club

Student: No, your banana squirts. I can't trust it.

- Sharples

Student: George Bush: He was a strange little elven man.

- Parrish Hall

Student: I'm trying to imagine what 1920s erotica would look like. Tassels on the nips...

- Path to Tarble

Student: Dude, my parents won't even let me travel to Long Island on my own.

- Parrish Hall

Student: I don't give a flying fuck about the Super Bowl, but I do want chicken wings.

- Parrish Hall

Student: I visited when he was a freshman and he was super skinny. He gained, like, the freshman fifty.

- Parrish Hall

Student 1: Oh, and an old married couple with a dog lives upstairs.
Student 2: Hey, on the plus side you won't hear a lot of sex coming from upstairs.
Student 1: Hey now.
Student 2: Well, maybe if they got another dog.

- Parrish Hall

Student: Dowlaran? Oh, dollars! Greenbacks!

- Kohlberg Hall

Student 1: If you were starving, would you eat your dog?
Student 2: Yes.
Student 1: That's not love.
Student 2: Yeah, but I'd eat my own child, too.

- Parrish Hall

Professor: I'm going to eat your bagel!

- Lang Performing Arts Center

Professor: Yes! Apollo is a handsome god... let's do it!

- Lang Performing Arts Center

Professor: I wanted to see you guys fight! I respectfully punch you in the face!

- Lang Performing Arts Center

Professor: If you're Protestant and hate Catholics, you call her Bloody Mary... and from that we get a disgusting cocktail.

- Lang Performing Arts Center