Professor: I tried to get a good porn image to stop on but... I don't know what this is.

- LPAC

Professor: It's the height of the Cold War and...

Student: Is it really?

Professor: Well it is in our lifetime.

Student: Well maybe yours...

- Trotter

Student: All men love Emma Watson!

- Sharples

Student 1: So there's an Alzheimer's support group...

Student 2: How do they remember to go to the meetings?

- McCabe Library

Student 1: The IRA are legit terrorists.

Student 2: Yeah, but they call before they bomb.

- McCabe Library

Professor: It's shaped like a croissant. You'd think the French would like it 'cause they love croissants...

- Hicks

Professor: (to a class of freshmen) For those of you who lived in Pittsburg in the late 70s...

- Hicks

Student: ... but people descended from the prophet are a little cooler.

Professor: Cooler... I think that's the exact language in the Qur'an.

- Trotter

Professor: What is it called, malling? Every high school student has gone malling. The girls go shopping and the guys go to see the girls.

- Hicks